Over the last few months, I’ve been struggling with a dilemma that I’m sure many people have faced at one time or another: when do you know it’s time to let go of a friendship? If so, how do you go about it without ultimately feeling the guilt of it?
When the Internet didn’t help me other than a barrage of posts about when moving off to college, you may outgrow your clique. Um, what if you’re in your thirties? It happens even when not going to college, right? That’s where I’m at. So, the Internet failed to give me any advice that I could use and without dragging any other friends into the situation, I turned to my trusty Rider Waite.
Looking for Confirmation
My cards only confirmed what I had suspected and what I was thinking. A couple of weeks later, my cards again were hinting at what I was suspecting. Talking with my husband about my concerns, my guilt, my worries and ultimately my issues with the whole situation, he lent me his ear and let me express my feelings.
I’ve learned that some friendships are only a convenience based on circumstances or location, such as coworkers (or even neighbours). You see each other every day, hang out on breaks, send emails, but when one of you finds a new job or is laid off, then unfortunately it gets harder to maintain that connection other than the occasional greeting on LinkedIn or Facebook. However, usually such endings aren’t taken personally. It just happens when people fall out of touch.
Some friendships are for life, although life can sometimes take twists and turns, leading down different paths. I’m thankful for the Internet which allows people to stay in touch over long distances whenever and wherever is convenient. My bestest girlfriend is now a mum to two girls and although her life is crazy busy with a family, we’ll always remain friends no matter the distance or time (going on 23 years as friends!). Again, no hard feelings if we don’t hear from each other… sometimes no news is good news!
Some friendships are built on a commonality, however if one of you changes in any way, then it can be awkward and the common interest fades. For some misery loves company, so if you are both complaining about the same problems, yet it improves for one of you, then there’s little to complain about – making it awkward to share the joy, while the other shares the misery. It breeds resentment. Suddenly, a friendship turns sour and falls apart.
It doesn’t make it any easier for me being the one to move on. However, in the midst of my dilemma, other friends have come to the forefront that share more common interests to where I am in life – and for that I’m thankful. The Universe has its own funny way of balancing out and the workings of Divine Timing. In ways, creating the kind of life you want will draw others towards you that are in line with your purpose and will “filter out” those that may not serve your higher good, if you so choose to allow it.
Friendship can’t be defined by how many hundreds of “friends” on Facebook; it’s the ones who have been there all the long no matter how long it’s been since you last spoke, but pick up again like you haven’t missed a beat; the ones that help you move apartments in the middle of winter just after a major snowstorm; and the ones that stay with you at the hospital after falling on broken glass during a night out.
“A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.” – Jim Morrison
Images from Rider Waite Tarot (c)1971 by U.S. Games Systems, Inc. All rights reserved.